By Nancy Rynes, author of Awakenings from the Light
It's sometime during the summer of 2005. I'm clinging to a granite cliff face in the Colorado mountains, balancing on slivers of rock seventy feet above the ground. The top rope holding me is safe and secure and I trust my belay partner to stop me should I slip and start to fall. But I find myself frozen in place. My mind cannot figure out the next move.This isn't the first time I've climbed but then and there I decide that it is the last.
My knees begin to shake, and I mean an uncontrollable shake to the point where I feel my toes start to lose their grips on the wall. I call out to my belay partner and he tells me just to let go and fall - he will catch me and lower me to the ground. Letting go of that rock face challenges my trust for just a second, but realizing there is no other way out for me at this point, I force my fingers to open and my feet to push off the rock. He catches me with the top rope and lowers me safely to the ground. In that moment with just myself, the rock, and the rope, clarity struck me: I don't actually like rock climbing and never have!
My ego wanted to enjoy it, though. I admired the skill and grace of elite athletes I saw around my home in Colorado and wanted to be like them. They climbed the cliffs like Spiderman scrambled up skyscrapers in the big city. And yes, I also wanted an excuse to hang out with my friends, and later, my boyfriend (a naturally gifted athlete). But climbing wasn't me. I had spent the last ten years lying to myself.
We are probably all guilty of hiding the truth from ourselves at some time in our lives:
- One more doughnut won't hurt me (truth: I need to lose 30 pounds).
- I deserve my spouse's violent outbursts (truth: No, I don't, and it's time for a big change).
- I'm not smart/funny/creative (truth: Yes I am, but I am afraid to show my gifts to others).
- There is nothing better for me than this dead-end, minimum wage job (truth: I really want to go back to school to study nursing).
Being honest with ourselves, or as I like to say it, "living our truth," is an important step in achieving a life of happiness, joy, creativity, and abundance. We cannot fully live in-Spirit if we constantly lie to ourselves about who we are and what we want. In Awakenings from the Light, I described how the Divine infused each of us with unique talents, abilities, and viewpoints. Honoring our unique light and allowing our talents to shine feels good, and it is a way to say "thank you" for those gifts. But our unique inner lights cannot shine if we blanket them in layers of lies, or stories that other people want us to believe about ourselves. In order to let those inner lights shine, we need to pull back the lies to see who we truly are, know when our inner lights sparkle, when they grow dim, and what feeds them.
Being truthful with yourself is one of the most difficult spiritual paths you can walk. If you choose it, the journey of living from the grace of truth is one that can easily last the rest of your life since there isn't a destination per se. Living in truth is a practice, but in my opinion this practice is the most valuable gift you can give to yourself.
Inner truth calls on us to be open and vulnerable with ourselves and God, and goodness knows our human ego hates to be either open or vulnerable. The ego is afraid of admitting mistakes, making a poor decision, or failing because it doesn't want to look "bad" or "less than." Telling ourselves the truth, though, requires us to admit to everything. God already knows you better than your know yourself so don't think you're hiding anything under your blanket of lies, anyway. Might as well face what is real.
Fears may crop up as you walk this path but know that you can put the fears to rest. Honor and acknowledge them, but don't believe in them.
I'm not sure why on that particular day in 2005, I was able to see my inner truth. Perhaps my soul-self finally had enough of living under a blanket of lies and forced my ego to recognize that it was time to put away the charade. I still enjoy watching rock climbers but am happy to say my feet are still firmly planted on Mother Earth.
Are you ready to walk the path toward inner truth? Next time we'll look at some ways to be more truthful with ourselves.
Love and Blessings to all of you...
Posted by Nancy Rynes, author of Awakenings from the Light ( http://NancyRynes.com )
All content copyright Nancy Rynes, 2015-2016Bio: Nancy Rynes is a speaker, artist, and author of Awakenings from the Light (available from Amazon.com). Nancy's books and workshops teach you how to bring a little bit of Heaven to your life on Earth. She lives near Boulder, Colorado. Check out her website: NancyRynes.com